From Maren Swakei: To my fellow Maasai idiots

To My fellow Maasai Idiots

And I’m one of them

Dear idiots,

You are suffering because of your stupidity.

I’m suffering because of our stupidity.

What happened to you that you have became the laughing stock of Kenya?

You used to be a proud people.

The pride of Africa.

The Arab slave traders could not cross your territory for fear of the Maasai Morans.

Only Mzungu Joseph Thomson dared cross our hinterland.

He that bribed our warriors and chiefs with red shukas.

Unaona venye corruption hufanya?

Tulihongwa na mashuka.

We were bribed with red bed sheets and blankets.

Apparently the white man used to feel uneasy when he sees our warriors naked.

By the 1850s you used to be many at least 500,000

Rinderpest and interclan  (Internecine)warfare wiped you out

wajinga nyinyi and reduced our population to 20,000!

But now we have rebounded.

We were so few that we were forced to marry from other communities.

We had to.

So be very careful about how you deal with other communities.

They have helped us increase our population.

They could be your cousins and brothers.

The challenge now is how do we share the meager resources that we have.

And that’s where leadership comes in.

Did you know you could be an MP but you are not really the leader?

A leader is the person whose words makes sense to you.

A leader is a person who takes you to Canaan.

If the politician is not taking you there, then he is not a leader in the first place.

Look carefully. Who is your leader.

How about church leaders?

Most of them have lost direction.

Instead of leading you to Canaan

They are leading you to…

Don’t get me started.

This thing about Yesu anakuja hivi karibuni is very misleading.

It blinds you from making 1000 year plans.

You used to wear regalia that made you look like Royal Egyptian Princes.

The ladies used to look so beautiful in their glorious beadwork.

You used to look like the beautiful queen Nefertiti

The Mother of the boy King Tutankamen

The Pharaoh of Egypt whose father was the first man to bring out the idea of one God,

Whom he called the sun God amen and which you call Enkai.

You used to occupy territory the size of Kenya.

Now you have been squeezed into a corner.

You have become a pathetic bunch of people.

Your territory has become the playing ground for the rich and famous.

It has become the greatest den of corruption where hyenas and lions hunt you down like antelopes.

The few of you who have gone to school have turned their backs on their people.

At every opportunity you want to escape the mess created by your fathers and mothers.

You all want to go to America to chase the American Dream.

America iko na wenyewe.

Kwenu ni hapa jinga hii.

You all want to go to Nairobi to get a job.

JOB simply means Just Over Broke.

Yes you bunch of cow shit.

You want to look civilized and sound civilized.

You speak a little English and think umefika.

Eti you have arrived.

Unable to cope with urban life, you ladies turn to prostitution.

You have become the mzungu’s rug.

Some of you even sleep with their dogs

Yet umewacha mali mingi kwenu.

Every man in the City wants a piece of the Maasai Meat.

“Mimi nataka dame Mmasai”

Wamaasai ni wapoa. Wamaasai ni wasupuu.

Lazima ni wahi mmoja.

Wo lo lo,

And you Maasai men

Hata sijui nianzie wapi.

You are the laughing stock of Kenya,

I have heard so many Maasai jokes about you.

I laugh yet mimi ni mmoja wao. Not because its funny to me,

But it’s the funny way they laugh at us.

It’s the funny way they imitate us.

The few that are on Facebook.

I have been burning the midnight oil trying to liberate you from the shackles that

You find yourselves in but I hardly get an I LIKE.

I hardly get a COMMENT.

You probably comment internally,

Sasa huyu mjinga ana tu bore na hizi posts zake ndefu.

It’s you am trying to educate stupid.

Lakini ngoja mtu aseme ujinga.

You get countless I likes and Comments.

Sometimes I wonder hiyo masomo yenu ni ya nini?

Mku tu nyuma sana.

Mko tu down sana. DOWN

Hata hii msi comment.

Haina maswala nyeti.

Amkeni wajinga nyinyi.

This is the golden era of democracy.

Seize this opportunity to speak up your mind.

You can do it.

Talk about the issues that affects you.

Ni miaka ngapi ma NGO’s zimekuwa zikiwapatia civic education?

Kwani hamshikanishi?

Kwani mko short wire?

Sasa mtasaidiwa aje?

Poleni sana. Mimi siko hapa kuwabembeleza.

Nimechoka na ujinga wenu.

Nyinyi mnajua kwamba mko kitu 600,000?

Nyinyi wajinga mnajua hesabu?

Hebu tujaribu.

Huko Maasai Mara kila siku Ksh 100,000,000 zinaporwa na wafanyi kazi.

Kisha zina letwa hapa Narok halafu zinagawanywa kulingana na cheo.

Zingine zinaenda kwa SOMAK.

Ksh 100,000,000 x 150 days in a year = 15000000000

15000000000 / 10,000 Maasai Families = 1,500,000

Jinga hii umepotea.

Haya hebu tuone.

If this money is collected digitally and electronically

without fraud and corruption,

1.5 Million Ksh can be transferred your family’s account once a year.

Imagine what you can do with that money.

Hakuna ku hustle tena.

Hakuna kufanya umalaya tena.

Hakuna kujinyonga kwa sababu eti umesota.

Hakuna kuchekelewa tena.

You will farm to your hearts content.

Hakuna kukodesha tena mashamba zenu.

You will construct modern houses.

Hakuna kuuza maplots zenu tena.

You will rent out you houses to outsiders.

You will need them to come coz they will give you business.

Siyo kuteta saa yote eti hawa watu wanakuja kuchukuwa mali yetu.

Nyinyi ndiyo wajinga. Bure kabisa.

Woi Enkai ai. Enyoito doi si ake.

Hawa viongozi wenu ni vikohozi tupu.

Na ni nyinyi tu mnachagua hawa vikohozi.

Hawa vikohozi ndiyo wanakula pesa zenu.

Na siyo siri. Nyote mnajua.

Lakini mko ndani ya box. And why not?

Wajinga ndiyo waliwao.

Wamaasai wanachukia wasomi.

Sababu ni kwamba mkisoma mnapotelea mijini.

Hamji kusaidia wenzenu.

Mnawachekelea.

Eti ni shags.

Ningependa kuwaeleza kwamba huko ngambo

Wenye kuishi shags ndiyo wadosi.

Imagine having a palatial home by the hillside

With all the panoramic views to enjoy.

Then on weekends, you drive to the Cities for fun

Or better still fly to Cairo and view the pyramids of your grandfathers?

Isnt this better than the hustle and bustle of the city?

Isnt this better than having neighbors you don’t talk to?

Eti sasa unataka tufanye aje?

Get out of your comfort zone.

Spread the word.

Change the political leaders.

We have come up with something called MAASBEE.

Maasai Broadbased Economic Empowerment.

The Details will be released later on one condition.

Its an affirmative action charter for the Maasai Community

and the marginalized people like Okieks.

I want you to enlighten your rural folks about the new constitution

Although being the fool that you are, I doubt whether you have even read it.

Identify the Davids, the Moseses, the Josephs, the Jesuses among you.

These are all simple men of the bible who became great figures.

They loved their people truly.

Consider it an insult to your intelligence is somebody buys your vote.

Consider it an insult if somebody bribes you for your vote.

We want you to have a paradigm shift.

We want you to buy a good leader instead.

Invest in Good leadership.

If the politician pays you instead

Then you are the greatest idiot on earth.

We want you to contribute towards the campaign of the

Good leaders that you have chosen.

Get involved.

Start lobbying.

Find out who is who.

We are in the process of mapping out Narok County Brain Banks.

We want simple, honest individuals who are approachable.

People with track records of community participation.

Lets encourage each other. Lets support each other.

Wacheni wivu. Lift each other up.

Woi enkai, this reminds me, watu wa Narok South walikataa katiba.

Walidanganywa na vikohozi. Tutatoboa kweli?

Ujinga ni kama nguo.

Saa hii uko na nguo ya ujinga.

Tafadhali kesho nivalie nguo ya uerevu.

Stupidity is like fashion.

Tomorrow wear the intelligence fashion.

Just because you are stupid today does not mean you are stupid tomorrow.

All this I say at great risk to my life.

Narok County has no room for visionary leaders.

But this document will remain in the World Wide Web forever.

Thousands of years after I have gone.

It’s no longer clever to kill a person coz of their ideas.

Lets sit and talk.

Lets understand one another. Lets agree to disagree.

Make me proud.

Make your parents proud.

Bring out the Maasai spirit in you.

The Spirit of your royal past.

Prepare the way for your children and your grand children,

Narok County, Samburu County, Kajiado County Mko?

It is time for the Royal Maasai Kingdom.

Rise from your ashes

Take your place among the community of nations.

I stand on top of Mount Kenya, Mbatiany, Lenana’s  and Senteus peak

Take my hand, arise.

Wake up. Now climb. You can do it.

Even if you have fallen, just rise up again.

Get on up. Be proud.

We are now in Rift Valley.

Start climbing to the Top.

And its not just my hand.

We have others of your own who have taken

it upon yourselves to help you climb the mountain.

To you young people.

And this is an order.

I want you to climb mount Kenya physically.

Organize your selves into groups.

Go for an expedition.

If you can conquer the mountain,

You can conquer any challenges that comes to you.

Do it to symbolize the new beginning.

And that’s my dream for you.

To you my other communities, tuko pamoja.

Nawapenda wote kama Wa Africa wenzangu.

Najivunia kuwa Mu Afrika.

Sijivunii kuwa Mkenya.

We need to Unite Africa.

One Currency, One People.

United States of Africa (USAF)

This will be my main agenda.

Thinking Kenya is so narrow minded believe you me.

Think Big. Think Africa.

Sort Africa out first before you think global.

Global will automatically take care of itself.

And by the way, hata nyinyi ni wajinga.

Arsenali na ManU na Chelsea is all you talk about.

Hata heri Wamaasai at least wengi hawajosoma.

Lakini nyinyi? Mambo biad.

Eti mnachagua Sonko kuwa bunge wenu?

Tulidhani mna akili.

Woi Ngai Fafa,

Onyato alinyakuwa mashamba yenu yote mkabaki mkizurura kote kote.

Maaze, hiyo ni kali. Sasa kijana yake anataka kuwaweka ndani ya box.

Anataka urais ndiyo msikaribie mashamba yao.

Wololo. Msikajali jo.

Bora ManU ishinde au hiyo team yako ingine.

Mko ndani ya box ajab.

Woi, heri sisi. Tuko nyuma lakini kesho tunacatch up.

Kesho kutwa tutakuwa mbele yenu.

MTA DO?